Post #5: Deus Ex Machina, Part 1
Watching tv programs and movies was not just a passive pursuit. I practiced listening, focusing, and putting the pieces together on my own. I had to adapt to pace, and to shifts in voice (perspectives) which was difficult to do in a personal one-on-one conversation. Programs about food made me look at things up close, in the details and specific examples of cooking practices and skills. I also got to practice synthesizing information; food shows took me to places I’d never been, to cultures I knew only by name, reminding me of my previous interests in anthropology, geography, history, science, and politics.
Through television, I also had to analyze visual cues and put those cues together with the right words. Words took me more effort to internalize; I still understood words and their definitions but would get lost in the syntax, grammar, and colloquial meanings when I tried to read. The visual world offered me more instant understanding and I found the effort of watching less wearying. I started to notice more and more both the details of a moving camera shot and the way directors used moving pictures to tell a bigger story or a concurrent one--I was forced to fit both the words or dialogue together with the story/ies offered and noted by my eyes. When my brain had trouble or when I was unsure I understood correctly, I could rewind without revealing embarrassment or shame. I was free to try again.
Watching tv programs and movies was not just a passive pursuit. I practiced listening, focusing, and putting the pieces together on my own. I had to adapt to pace, and to shifts in voice (perspectives) which was difficult to do in a personal one-on-one conversation. Programs about food made me look at things up close, in the details and specific examples of cooking practices and skills. I also got to practice synthesizing information; food shows took me to places I’d never been, to cultures I knew only by name, reminding me of my previous interests in anthropology, geography, history, science, and politics.
Through television, I also had to analyze visual cues and put those cues together with the right words. Words took me more effort to internalize; I still understood words and their definitions but would get lost in the syntax, grammar, and colloquial meanings when I tried to read. The visual world offered me more instant understanding and I found the effort of watching less wearying. I started to notice more and more both the details of a moving camera shot and the way directors used moving pictures to tell a bigger story or a concurrent one--I was forced to fit both the words or dialogue together with the story/ies offered and noted by my eyes. When my brain had trouble or when I was unsure I understood correctly, I could rewind without revealing embarrassment or shame. I was free to try again.
The ability to try and try and try again is a skill. Skills can be taught, practiced, and even if not perfected can be strengthened by use and habits. Trying repeatedly is a skill that looked unachievable when I was in rehabilitation. Accepting defeat before trying seemed easier, more comforting, less disappointing in one’s mind. I was already feeling like a failure even in the midst of so many victories because I clung to what I had lost or could no longer do. My time alone watching programs was an escape, but it was also the means by which I practiced being a mindful person engaged with the ideas I once loved; it re-acquainted me with the humanities––not in a linear or formal way––in a way I could digest.
This past-time also introduced me to my dei ex machina or a deus ex machina in multiple forms. You be the judge.
This past-time also introduced me to my dei ex machina or a deus ex machina in multiple forms. You be the judge.
